Bleach goes to Vegas
by Shoot-to-Kill
Summary: What would happen if the Gotei 13 went to Las Vegas for vacation? Utter insanity, hilarity, chaos and outright mayhem. Characters will be in character to start with...but perhaps not to end with.
1. A Mandatory Vacation

(Bleach and all the characters of said series belong to Tite Kubo and Shonen Jump. I do not own these characters, and do not claim them as my own. Believe me, if I had created Bleach, I probably would not be on this site doing fanfictions of my own creation. . Enjoy, and remember, I only own the story. Not the peeps.

This takes place before the Bleach Storyline. That way Gin-sama can be in it without being attacked. Though on that note, I'm trying to keep the Bleach cast in character. Though I would like you to note the changes that take place in their personality as the story goes.

Though just like Bleach, expect to see Rangiku drunk several times.)

Chapter One: A Mandatory Vacation

It was a cool, calm day in the Seireitei...as was usual. The ever immaculate skies of the Soul Society did not fail to disappoint, and gave up the light of day onto the landscape. From his perch up on the hill, the venerable Shigekuni Genryuusai Yamamoto looked down upon the busy and buzzing Seireitei. A hand stretched out to rake through his long, ashy beard in meditative thought. "The Gotei 13 have worked very hard with the recent upstart of Hollows popping up in the Human World. Even so, the attacks have come to a halt for the time. The Gotei should take this moment of reprieve to rest and perhaps interact with the humans in a civil manner. To build inter-personal skill and unity within the 13 Court Guard Squads...I declare that there will be a joint vacation of the squads." His worn eyes open, looking outwards with the wisdom of eons through worn, wrinkled slits. No sooner did her finish did a flock of Hell Butterflies take off from his spot on the dais, and out to the members of the Gotei 13.

The first to recieve the message was Rangiku Matsumoto, the Squad 10 lieutenant. Letting the creature perch upon her finger, she listened intently, and her eyes lit up. "Oh wow! Head Captain Yamamoto is sending us all on vacation! This is great! Sake filled nights and long naps all day, here I come!" She cried happily.

"How does that differ from what you normally do?" A young voice emanated from behind her. She froze, then spun around with a coy grin. "Captain Hitsugaya, isn't this great? I've never heard of a mandatory vacation for all the Court Guard Squads! This is wonderful!" Toushirou frowns. "Ugh...that means I'll have to watch you and make sure you stay out of trouble. Some vacation..." Rangiku pouts. "I'm not a kid, y'know. I can take care of myself." She folded her arms over her ample chest. Toushirou looks up at her with a skeptical glare. "Like you took care of yourself when you got drunk at Chip 'n Dales? Honestly; you're worse than a kid."

"Nothing would have happened! They were very nice people."

"Nice? You call 'kneeling over you with your shirt all messed up' nice?"

"But he rescued me!"

"From WHAT?!"

"I passed out face down! I couldn't breathe!"

"So?"

Rangiku's pout deepens. "You're cruel, Captain. It's not easy being me, y'know."

"Oh shut up!"

--

"Hmph...a mandatory vacation...how odd for the Head Captain to call for such a neglect of duty. However; as a Captain, I must do as instructed. He has his reasons."

The words of the Squad 6 Captain, Byakuya Kuchiki, rang dully in the sanctity of his office. Renji stood by Byakuya's desk, listening to his own butterfly's message. "That's strange...has this ever happened before?" he asks. Byakuya made nary a response, just withdrew a hand into his haori and withdrew a small key from the confines of the pale folds within. He made his way across the room to a dark cedar cabinet in the corner, unlocking it and swinging both doors open. Inside was were a few of his very rarely used items for the human world. A Spirit Phone and a Gikongan Soul Candy Dispenser. Honestly; he would sooner choke on a cat then wander around the Human World in a ragtag group of peasants but...the orders were issued. Pocketing the two items, he closed and locked the cabinet and turned towards the door, scarf fluttering in that oh so very elegent way. "Come, Renji." With those words and those words alone, he began for the Senkaimon to meet the others. Hmph...

--

"Hm...a vacation? Well isn't that unexpected! But a break doesn't sound all too bad, does it, Lieutenant?" The comment was pronounced with the almost ever-present grin of the Squad 3 Captain, Ichimaru Gin. He was just on his way to a meeting with Captain Aizen when he was intercepted by a little fluttering creature! With tidings of time off at that! Kira walked by his side, one hand holding the sheathe of Wabisuke steady as he went, and listening intently to the cheshire captain's words. Gin lets the little butterfly flutter away, then brings a calm finger to rest against the bottom of his chin in thought. "Hmm, but will this interfere I wonder? I must make doubly sure to speak with Captain Aizen." he said offhandedly. All the while, his smile remained. Kira cants his head inquisitively. "Captain Aizen, sir?" he asked. Gin turns to look at his lieutenant. "Oh, never you mind, Izuru. Go ahead and tell the others that we'll be going on a little hiatus, hm? I'm sure they will be absolutely thrilled! Best not to keep them waiting!" Kira nodded. "Yes sir." He bowed his head respectfully, and took off into a chain of shunpo towards the Squad 3 headquarters. Meanwhile; Gin chuckled lightly to himself. "I wonder how Tousen is taking this? He's probably found out by now too."

--

Indeed, Tousen had just received the message himself. He and Sajin were visiting his departed friend's grave when the Hell Butterflies relayed Yamamoto's dictum.

"Head Captain Yamamoto would have us all leave the Seireitei at the same time? That sounds...dangerous." Tousen said in his quiet tone, arms hidden in the long sleeves of his haori. Komamura's feral eyes turned towards the horizon. "What the Head Captain orders, I shall pursue without hesitation. Thus is my dedication. What of you, Kaname?" Golden hues turned then to his associate and close friend. Tousen's sightless gaze followed suit, turning up to the other captain. "Of course...I will do as the Head Captain orders. I abhor fighting...even for the sake of justice there should be minimal bloodshed. Perhaps this outing will...clear my conscience. But I cannot help but wonder, Sajin...if this is truly wise." Komamura nods. "It does not seem like the most tactical move to make...but the Head Captain is wiser than us all. He has thought of every possible outcome, and all the preparations have been made. I have faith in Head Captain Yamamoto. As should you, Kaname." His hands fall to rest upon the large obi around his waist. Tousen looks back down to the grave at their feet. "Right...my apologies. I do have faith in the Head Captain. I no longer have any doubts." He was aware that Komamura was savagely loyal to Yamamoto, and that questioning him in Sajin's presense was fruitless. Komamura rested a large paw on Tousen's shoulder. "Come, let us prepare. The others are begining to gather." With that, he turned and began down the hill, and towards Senkaimon.

"Yes...let's go."

--

"Captain Kyoraku...Captain Kyoraku...CAPTAIN!" A voice bellowed out from the deep forbidden romance of Shunsui Kyoraku's dream, forcing his eyes to open suddenly from under his bamboo shade. A calm hand moved to scratch his chets idly, before sitting up from his napping spot on the roof of the Squad 8 building. A yawn issued from his lips. "Nanao-chan...why don't you come take a nap with me instead of yelling like that, huh?" His voice held a groggy, lethargic tone as he pried himself from sleep's grasp. Nanao, loomed over him, carrying her large encyclopedia-sized tome under her arm. "We have orders from Head Captain Yamamoto. It seems we are to...go on vacation..." Shunsui suddenly perks up. "Oh! Old Man Yama is sending us on leave! We can finally go on vacation together, isn't that gre-" He was stopped from leaning any closer to Nanao with a hand wedged against his face. "You know...dat kina hurtsh." he said, his voice muffled by the hand suddenly shoved in front of his mouth. "Lieutenant Kusajishi suggested that we of the SWA stay together. I quite agree. It will keep us from prying, perverted eyes." she declares. Shunsui pulls his face out of her hand. "Aw come on, that's just cruel, Nanao-chan...I guess that means I'll just have to mull around with Juushiro. You should come with us sometime, it would be fun" he said, trying to convince her to join them. Nanao closes her eyes. "I'm pretty certain your definition of 'fun' has something to do with sneaky, hentai things..." she commented, and when she opened her eyes to glare condescendingly at him only to find...he was gone! Vanished! Her face flushed red. "...CAPTAIN KYORAKU! Get back HERE! I know I'm right!!"

--

"What a nice day...and for once I'm actually feeling quite well. Thank you, Unohana-senpai." Juushiro Ukitake sat up in his bed, the Squad 4 Captain Retsu Unohana standing next to his bed with a warm smile. "I'm very glad. I don't know why you're so hesitant to come see me and take your medicine, Juushiro." Why was he hesitant? Because Unohana could be one SCARY woman without trying. Two Hell Butterflies flew in through the open window, one flying to each captain, as well as the Squad 4 Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu, carrying Unohana's zanpakuto slung over her shoulder. Juushiro holds up a pale finger listening to Yamamoto's message. "A message from the Head Captain...?" he mutters.

"Yeah...guess Old Man Yama wants us all to the Human World and take it easy for a bit. Sounds fun, aye Ukitake?" The voice of Shunsui Kyoraku came from the corner of the room suddenly, and he gave a friendly wave to the other occupants. "Oh, and hello to you too Unohana-senpai, Lieutenant." A goofy, lopsided grin played across his face. Retsu finished with her message herself. "This could be the perfect time to rest yourself, Juushiro. Don't do anything too strenuous." Retsu didn't seem to ask the question, so Juushiro took the initiative to. "...erm...Shunsui...how did you get in here?" he asked with a few well timed dramatic blinks. Shunsui rubbed the back of his head as he walked forward towards the bed. "Well...Nanao-chan's having one of those days..." he stopped his approach as he reached Juushiro's side. "...maybe it's just that time of th-" He then looked to Retsu, who looked expectantly back. A sweat drop rolled down the side of the Squad 8 Captain's stubbled face. "Uh...but anyway, we really should all get heading out. Captains Kuchiki, Komamura, Tousen and Hitsugaya are already there. And you know how Byakuya and Toushirou are about being kept waiting."

Juushiro nodded. "I see. Well then, Unohana-senpai, we should leave immediately. It seems we're holding up the queue." He turned his body around to swing his legs over the side of the bed and stand. Retsu nods. "Just don't overexert yourself, Captain. I may not be able to keep track of you in the Human World." she warned. He nodded, standing up slowly. "I understand. Shall we be going, Shunsui? Unohana-senpai?" The two other captains nod. Juushiro nods. "Alright...now...where are they? Sentaro! Kiyone! Rukia! Please come here!" No sooner had he uttered their names, Sentaro and Kiyone came barreling down the hall and do a kneel in front of him.

"Yes sir! We got the message from Head Captain Yamamoto, SIR!" Sentaro announced.

Kiyone looked over to him. "They're right there, stop yelling!"

"I'm not yelling, you're yelling! Quit it!"

"Idiot!"

"Moron!"

"Please, please...that's quite enough you two." Juushiro felt the need to intervene before it came to blows. Both his 3rd seats knelt silently again. Skitting down the hall came Rukia Kuchiki, who fell into the same position as the others. "My apologies, Captain Ukitake...I had gone to see Ni-sama about the message but he was already gone." she says, panting. Juushiro smiled. "It's alright. We're all here now, so everything is well. I heard that Captain Kuchiki is already at the Senkaimon waiting, so we'd best hurry. Kiyone, Sentaro, Rukia...let's be going now."

--

"Tch...vacation...that's boring. There's nothing worthing fighting in the Human World."

"If Ken-chan has no one to play with, what will he do all day?"

"I hear they have some excellent hair care products in the Human World though. Perhaps I'll get the spa treatment! Even a gigai can look fabulous with enough work."

The Squad 11 Captain Kenpachi Zaraki and his lieutenant sat down on the stairs just outside the door of the Squad 11 building. The 5th seat, Yumichika Ayasegawa, stood before them, fussing with the feathers handing from his eyebrow and eyelashes. They had come out of place when he was sparring with Ikkaku. Ikkaku himself was sitting down on the ground, barefoot and looking right angry to have been beaten by Yumichika. He wasn't even thinking about the little vacation they'd have to take. Kenpachi tapped his sheathed blade in thought. "Damn...I wanna fight! Supposedly the Kidou Corps are going to be looking after Hollows and that junk. Not like anything short of an adjuchas would be any fun or anything."

"Maybe Ken-chan can find some strong humans to play with!" Yachiru piped in.

"Ngh...strong humans? No such thing."

"Have you ever seen one?"

"Well...no. Never looked. My ability to sense reiatsu sucks. But even I can tell they're all weak."

"Everyone's too weak for Ken-chan!" Yachiru said in a giddy, gleeful giggle. Ikkaku rubbed the back of his neck. "That's all well and good, but this is gonna be one sad 'vacation'. So when the hell are we s'posed to show up?" he said followed by a loud, obnoxious yawn. Yachiru jumped up onto Kenpachi's shoulder, her arms hanging onto the tattered pale fabric of his haori's shoulder. "Well, almost everyone is already there!" Ikkaku blinked. "So...we're late? Why aren't we heading there yet?!" Yumichika looks at his nails. "Do you really want to wait with a bunch of stuffy Captains looming about?" he asked. Ikkaku shoots him a sharp glance. "No not really, but do you really want to be wandering around lost while everyone is waiting for us to show up? Whoever decided to make the Squad 11 area like a friggin' maze deserves a sharp kick in th'--"

"Didn't you hear her? Almost...we'll just go now while everyone is off doing whatever. No point rushing headlong into nothing." The behemoth of a man stood as he cut Ikkaku's rant short. Ikkaku stands up, brushing a bit of dirt off of his butt. "This oughta be fun. The Pink Pineapple'll have us running around in circles..." he mutters, thinking Yachiru couldn't hear. But...to his dismay, she heard every word, and it would show in the annoyed pout on her face. Without warning, she leapt off of Kenpachi's shoulder and clung to the top of Ikkaku's impressively reflective dome, gnomming mercilessly upon it. Ikkaku drops to his knees. "AAAAIIIIEEEE!! I'm sorry, Lieutenant! Please...just stop..." he cried, doubled over in agony.

"Ngh...stop messing around, you too. We're leaving." Kenpachi muttered with an annoyed grunt, and took off in a random direction. Yachiru blinks, withdrawing her jagged shark-like bite from Ikkaku's head and leaping back onto the giant. "C'mon, Eyebrows! Pachinko-dama!" she squealed. Yumichika points to himself. "I'm Eyebrows now?" he asks, folding his arms and following. Ikkaku stands, holding his head. "Y-Yes Lieutenant..."

--

"What's taking everyone so long? This is stupid...having to wait this long...I'm going to have to train greatly by the time I return!" The Squad 2 Captain Soifon griped as she stood by the Senkaimon with Marechiyo. Marechiyo was muching noisily on a bag of potato chips, a legion of crumbs attacking his face for dear sweet redemption as he did. "Eh...I heard snacks in the Human World are expensive." He too began to gripe. "And our money's no good there."

"Then I guess you'll have to get a job."

"On vacation?!"

"Yes, you fat fool!" Soifon scolded causing a shrill gasp to escape Marechiyo's massive mouth. "What?! I'm not fat! I'm bulky!" He retorted. Soifon gave an unamused huff. "Bulky with lard." A severe gaze swept across the area before falling upon two approaching figures belonging to Sousuke Aizen and Momo Hinamori, who was following so close she was stepping on his shadow. Soifon smirked. "Captain Aizen...so you show up. Where are the others?" she asked impatiently. Sousuke gave a calm smile. "I would imagine...they are on their way. Be patient, Captain." His tone was cool, unbudged by her own. Soifon huffed once more. "I'd love to know what is taking them so long. They'd better not be shirking their duties."

"I see you're ever diligent to your duties, Captain." Aizen remarked with a humble smile.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Mean? Nothing at all. I'm merely stating my perspective."

Soifon's eyes narrowed for a moment, before two more figures began their approach. These belonged to Byakuya and Renji. Toushirou and Rangiku were not far behind. Aizen looked back to the approaching shinigami. "You see? Here they are now." he stated calmly. Momo sees Toushirou and begins to smile. "Hurry, Shirou-chan!" she calls. Toushirou closes his eyes. "Shut up, Bedwetter Momo." he mutters. Byakuya's quirked a brow at the exchange of words flying past him. A lieutenant using a pet name for a captain...unacceptable. But it was Aizen's duty to correct it. Which it seemed he was not inclined to do at the moment, as he merely chuckled. Byakuya's eyes narrow a little, but he spoke not a word. After several minute the four reached the Senkaimon and joined the Squad 2 and 5 Captains and their lieutenants. Not long after, Komamura and Tousen joined them, both speaking amiably. Following them was Tetsuzaemon Iba.

"It has been long since I used my gigai." Komamura mused aloud.

"Your gigai, sir?" Tetsuzaemon looked up a moment, picturing a brown dog as Komamura's gigai. Komamura would clear his throat. "I know what you're thinking...and no." he said with a gruff rasp. Tousen gave a mild greeting to Byakuya, which was returned by a very small gesture of acknowledgment. The next were the troop with Juushiro, Shunsui, Retsu, Kiyone, Sentaro, and Rukia. Rukia bowed her head as she approached Byakuya. "Ni-sama..." she spoke respectfully. Byakuya looked down at her. "...Rukia." Was all she got from him. And that was more than usual actually. Shunsui threw an arm around Juushiro's shoulder and spoke softly. "Y'know...we should go to the beach with Matsumoto sometime..." Juushiro's eyes widen, and he looked to Rangiku, before his face went red and he looked to Shunsui. "Sh-Shunsui...! That's highly inappropriate...especially considering our age..." he replied. Shunsui scoffs. "C'mon, don't be a wet blanket!"

"What are you talking about, Captain Kyoraku? Captain Ukitake?" Retsu asks, standing behind them with a haunting smile. Shunsui broke into a cold sweat. "Erm...nothin' Unohana-senpai! Just friendly chat between friends and all."

"Friends...okay." Retsu said with a hint of suspiscion, but she seemed satisfied by the answer.

"Oh...don't forget about us! So sorry, I was so concerned that I wouldn't be able to bring all my luggage before I remembered we can't bring any!" Gin's voice carried from the background, and he appeared with the group, haori flapping after coming out of a shunpo. Kira appeared next to him. "So sorry to keep you all waiting...is that all of us?" he asked, crossig his arms with that everlasting grin.

"A believe we are waiting for Squads 11 and 12 to arrive. As well as Lieutenant Hisagi from Squad 9. Did you see him as you came here, Captain Tousen?" Aizen replied, and then looked expectantly towards Tousen, who nodded. "He has...a few things to take care of. But he is on his way.

--

"I've done it! It is perfect! Absolutely perfect! My genius knows no bounds!" The gleeful voice of Mayuri Kurotsuchi permeates the halls of the Squad 12 main laboratory. His "Daughter" Nemu stood not too far away with a plain look upon her features. "Mayuri-sama, you have received a message from Head Captain Yamamoto." she said. Mayuri's self praise ended, and he looked towards Nemu with a placid gaze. "What do you mean? I do not recall a messenger arriving here as of late. When did I get this message?" he asked, displeased to be interrupted.

"Aproximately an hour ago."

"What?! And I was not told?!"

"I...did not want to interrupt you, Mayuri-sama..."

Mayuri's eyebrow twitched, and a hand lashed out to lay a firm-handed smack across Nemu's face with enough force to drop her to the ground and fling her several feet. "You lazy idiot! You're useless!" He shrieked, before standing and walking over to her slowly...ominously. "And what was this message...? I did not create you to forget!" He was fairly angry. Nemu sat up a little, a large red imprint on her cheek. "We are...to go on mandatory leave to the Human World...with the rest of the Gotei 13 officers..." she said through a slightly swollen cheek. Mayuri folds his arms. "Is that it? How dull...I've had my fill experimenting with anything we could hope to find there. And humans are nothing spectacular. What kind of vacation is that?" This didn't interest him in the very least. However; she had said it was mandatory. "Nemu! Get my things. We have no choice." He demands, heading out of the laboratory. What and absolute bother! Oh well...the Squad 12 Captain was more clever than that. "There must be a reason that old fool is sending us all away...but what is it? That clever crow...I must see what it is he is planning here." He made it to his room and opened up a secret compartment in the wall, revealing a gigai. "Nemu's archetype. She will make a fine spy. And once I leave, she will activate. Not only that, but she will record the goings on here in the Seireitei whiel I am away." Soon, Nemu came with his Spirit Phone and Gikongan dispenser. "Come, Nemu." He commanded, walking out of his room, out of the building, and making his way towards the other, Nemu close in tow. He arrived at about the same time as the equally enthused Squad 11, accompanied by Shuhei Hisagi of Squad 9.

"Good, everyone is together." The voice of Head Captain Yamamoto. The voice came from above, but from nowhere in particular. He was using a kidou to speak to them at the same time from the hill. "You will be gone for 3 days and 3 nights, and you sleeping arrangements have been handed down to Lieutenant Abarai of Squad 6 to read to you when you arrive in the Human World. Come...enjoy yourselves! And good luck." He says. Soifon's eyes narrow. "Wishing up luck...on vacation? Why do I have a bad feeling about this...?" she commented, before turning towards the Senkaimon. "Let's just go. The sooner we go, the sooner we can leave."

"Oh...alright. Let's be going then!" Gin said with a smile, conjuring a Hell Butterfly for safe passage. "I do hope the Cleaners aren't on."

"You and I both, Captain Ichimaru." Retsu said, doing the same.

"Stay close to me, Momo." Aizen said, placing a hand on her should. Momo blushes a little. "Uhm...yes, Captain Aizen."

"Hm." Byakuya needed no special comment. He did what he had to do.

"Come, as directed by Head Captain Yamamoto!" Komamura declared.

"Alright alright, keep your haori on, Soifon." That of course was Shunsui. Soifon glared in replied.

"My justice will never rest." Tousen's butterfly fluttered around his head expectantly.

"Matsumoto, behave yourself." Toushirou demanded. Rangiku sighed. "Of course, of course."

"Ngh...look at all the friggin' bugs..." Kenpachi muttered. Yumichika tilted his head. "I find them quite elegant." he said. Ikkaku scoffs. "Yeah, so what? No one cares about you and your butterflies."

"Hurry up and open the gate! I have thing to do when we return, so let's not dilly dally!" Mayuri called above the crowd.

"Please...don't get me into too much trouble, Shunsui..." Juushiro pleaded quietly.

The Senkaimon opened, and the Captains were bidden permission to pass into the Human World. It was time to get down to a well deserved break...but one the Gotei would not soon forget.


	2. Pharaoh Hitsugaya

Chapter 2: Pharaoh Hitsugaya

For what felt like an hour, the Captains and their officers traveled through the darkness of the gate. The path that connected the Soul Society to the Human World. It was at this time that something hit Shunsui like a ton of bricks. "Wait...where is Nanao-chan?" he asked, looking around worriedly. "Don't tell me she isn't coming..."

"She had a few things to finish up. She'll be joining up shortly after we arrive. That was the message she gave to me, and also why I myself was late." Shuhei replied. Shunsui gave a breath of relief. "Oh...good! This vacation would be pretty dull if Nanao-chan didn't show up." he said. Kenpachi grunted. "It's gonna be dull anyway. With or without your little librarian girlfriend." he said with a snort of disinterest. Shunsui turned his head to look behind him at Kenpachi. "I'm flattered you think that but...I'm pretty sure if I said anything more, I'd somehow get whacked."

"I don't remember the tunnel being this long. Are you sure we didn't get lost, Captain Soifon?" Gin asked jokingly. Soifon scoffs. "Lost? On a straight path? Are you stupid?" she shot back. Gin waves his hands in front of himself defensively. "Come now, it was an innocent joke! You're always so dour and serious...it will give you wrinkles, y'know?"

"I DO NOT HAVE WRINKLES!" Soifon exploded. Gin couldn't help but just laugh. "Of course not! I'm just saying..."

"You really should watch what you say, Captain Ichimaru." Sousuke advised with calm tone. Gin's own grin widened. "I'll be sure to remember that in the future, Captain." It was not long after that they were engulfed in a blinding light shining from the end of the tunnel. When the light faded, they were all in the air, over a bustling city.

"What the--where are we?" Soifon asked.

"Oh dear...I don't think we're in Karakura anymore!" Gin looked around with a curious close-eyed gaze. "So many lights!"

"Uhm...does anyone else notice something odd?" Renji looks down for a moment, before a cold sweat ran down his face. At the same time, all the other officers and Captain's did the same. Byakuya's eyes narrow. "It appears...the Senkaimon ejected us...farther from the ground than anticipated." Despite the fact that this was a dire situation, he seemed as calm as ever. In an almost comical way, they didn't begin to fall until everyone realised they were airbourne.

"Everyone! Stick together!" Toushirou ordered. Rangiku shrieked in panic, and wrapped her arms tightly around her captain. "We're all going to die!" She wailed. Toushirou, who currently had Rangiku's "Valley of Paradise" crammed in his face, could neither scream, speak, nor breathe. Wide eyed and red in the face, his little arms flailed frantically. Momo shrieked. "Captain Aizen!!" At this, Sousuke, drew her towards him, holding her to his side. "It will be alright, Momo. Be calm." He said reassuringly. Meanwhile, Mayuri was grinning. His gigai did not have it's body painted, so he looked fairly normal...save for his inhumanly perfect teeth. "Nemu! Life Raft mode!" He commanded, pointing a finger at the ground. Nemu nodded. "Hai, Mayuri-sama." Folding her arms close to her body, she flew towards the ground in a Pencil Dive, landing with a small crater in her wake. Of course, with how Mayuri had made her this would not be fatal. But soon, her body shifted and morphed...until she turned into a black rubber life raft. The first officer to land was Toushirou, with having pried Rangiku off of him. He sat on the Nemu Life Raft for a moment. "...Mayuri, you clown...this is just wrong on more levels than one." He muttered. But it wasn't long until Rangiku landed...on the opposite side of the raft. This forced the air on her side of the raft to shift under Toushirou and fling him skyward again, arms flailing. "Daaaaammnnniiiiiiittt!" he cried, passing the other officers as they continued to fall.

Juushirou blinks. "Does Shirou-chan know that he's going the wrong way?" he asked, looking to Shunsui. Shunsui shrugs. "Maybe he forgot something?"

--

The rest landed without incident. Ikkaku stood, scratching his butt, his boken tapping against his shoulder. "So...uh...Captain Kurotsuchi...I can't help but wonder why Lieutenant Kurotsuchi turns into a life raft. It's kinda creepy." he stated. Mayuri scoffed. "Of course a simpleton like you wouldn't understand the useful properties of having a life raft always available. One property of being a successful captain is always be prepared for any situation. I've simply taken that to the next level." As the last of the officers disembarked the H.M.S. Kurotsuchi, Nemu turned back into her normal self, with same dour expression upon her sweet little face. Renji looked her up and down. "So...what else can you turn into, Nemu?" he asked.

"Mayuri-sama has made me to turn into many things. A life raft, a small artificial power generator, a portable refrigerator, a 3-in-1 mini putt set, a suitcase, a medicine chest, an emergency flare gun..."

Renji put a finger over Nemu's lips. "Uh...okay, that's a bit more than I wanted to know...it's kinda gross now."

"I do NOT want to know where those flares shoot out of..." Ikkaku commented whilst lazily picking his nose. Mayuri fumes. "How dare you impugn upon my genius with such poor speculation! My genius sickens you, eh? Then do not come to me when you are maimed beyond recognition and require reconstructive procedures! WHICH by the way, I am the only one in the entire Seireitei certified to do!" His perfect teeth ground together in agitation. Rangiku looked at Nemu in fascination. "Oh...can she turn into one of those...you know...inflatable dolls? The kind perverts use?" Soifon's eye twitched. "...and WHY would a WOMAN need to turn into a love doll, idiot?!"

Byakuya stepped forward. "It would be prudent to end this tiresome bickering and move onto a more pressing matter. For instance; perhaps you noticed that Captain Hitsugaya is not currently with us." he stated in his "Holier-than-Thou" expression. Rangiku blinked. "Oh right...where did he go?"

"Juushiro and I saw him shoot back up into the sky." Shunsui said, pointing up to the starry night sky.

"You mean...he flew?" Soifon looked up.

"Shirou-chan...can fly?" Momo followed suit. Mayuri folded his arms. "Of course not! Of course, determining his current location will be simple." Everyone looked at him with a dull "Orly?" brand of look. Mayuri held his hand up to the wind. "Judging by the speed and angle of his ascent and the speed and direction in which the wind is blowing, I can judge that Captain Hitsugaya will land approximately .59 kilometers due north of us. Depending on the appex of his ascent, he could be either closer or further within .009 kilometers." Everyone blinked in unison. Kenpachi grunted. "Just point which way we have to go, clown." he demanded. Mayuri's eye twitched. "...clown?!" He was about to unload all unholy fury when a rush of people came clambering down the street. Juushiro could hold of one by the shoulder. "Excuse me...what is everyone going to see?" he asked in a calm and kind manner.

"Some white haired kid fell from the sky and landed atop the Luxor Pyramid!" he said with an amused grin. Rangiku smiled. "Wow, that's cool! We should go see!" she said with a giddy giggle. Gin would put a hand on Rangiku's shoulder. "You know...I get the sinking suspicion that this spectacle could well be our missing Toushirou, Rangiku."

"Oh...well now that you mention it, it does sound like him. If he's on top of a pyramid, does that make him the Pharaoh of this city?"

Yumichika looks forward anxiously. "Pharaoh? That's sounds important!"

"So Shirou-chan is royalty? Huh...who would have thought?" Juushiro mused, stroking his chin.

"Hmph...it would be hard to believe Captain Hitsugaya was born of noble blood." Byakuya began to walk with the massive throng of other spectators. Renji began to follow. "Come on, guys. I still have to announce the rooming arrangements, but we need Captain Hitsugaya here." Rangiku thrusts her fist up into the air. "Let's go rescue Pharaoh Hitsugaya!" she declared in a gung-ho battlecry. Yachiru bounced happily on Kenpachi's shoulder. "Yay! Let's go too, Ken-chan! Pharaoh's are supposed to be really strong right?" Kenpachi gave a downright evil grin. "How should I know? But I can't let that possibility go unchecked...let's go." He said, and followed after Byakuya and the others. Ikkaku and Yumichika followed.

Shunsui stood there for a second. "Nanao isn't here yet..." he said, scratching his head. Juushiro looked up. "Will she drop from the sky like we did? I don't think we have another life raft..."

--

"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!! AND STOP SHINING THOSE LIGHTS AT ME! YOU'LL MAKE ME FALL!!" Toushirou cried, standing in an awkward position upon the point of the Luxor Pyramid. Several veins popped out of his head. "Damn it, Matsumoto...if I live through this, I'll kill you!" Meanwhile; the others had arrived and were standing with the crowd of people all surrounding the base of the structure, which was cordoned off with security tape and police officers (who assumed it was some punk rock base jumper from the look of his hair). Rangiku squinted through the darkness of the sky as a spotlight illuminated the figure of little Toushirou. "All hail Pharaoh Hitsugaya!" she called out, bowing. Hitsugaya could see Rangiku from his perch. "MATSUMOTO, YOU'D BETTER NOT BE DOING SOMETHING RETARDED!!" he screamed. Gin cants his head. "Did any of you catch that? All I heard was something about retarded Matsumoto." Rangiku blinks, righting herself. "I'm not retar-hey a penny!" she completely flips off the tracks of conversation and picks up a penny she saw on the ground as she was bowing. Komamura looks up, standing well above the crowd with a bandana wrapped around his face. "Now how are we going to get him down? If I could use bankai, Kokuju Tengen Myo-ou could snatch him down from up there. Unfortunately; with the limitations of our powers, that is not an option. What do you think, Kaname?" Tousen's head was faced the direction everyone was looking, eyes closed behind a pair of sunglasses. "Shunpo, perhaps. I believe of us, Captain Kuchiki is the fastest." he stated. Soifon looked to Byakuya, whose eyes were closed. "Is it true that you trained with Yoruichi-sama too?" she asked. Byakuya opened his eyes. "That was a very long time ago." With that, he disappeared from the crowd, and a moment later, Toushirou disappeared from the top of the Luxor. After a few seconds, both he and Byakuya appeared with the others.

The spectators gasped in horror, thinking the poor stranded boy had fallen to his doom. The others took the time to escape in the confusion and panic.

"Matsumoto! This is all your fault!" Toushirou growled. Rangiku seemed stunned. "My fault? What did I do?"

"Because of your big butt, I got flung back up into the air!"

"Oh please don't invoke your wrath upon me, Pharaoh!" she fell into another bow. Toushirou blinked. "The hell? Pharaoh? Matsumoto, have you been drinking already?!"

"You were at the top of the pyramid. That makes you a Pharaoh, right?" Rangiku looked up from her bow. Toushirou bopped her on the head. "You're hopeless. Get up..." he muttered. As Rangiku rubbed her head in pain, a voice spoke out from the rear of the group.

"Now, everyone is back together, right?" Nanao walked up to them, fixing her glasses. Shunsui was grinned happily. "Nanao-chan! I thought I had lost you! Did you miss me?" He said with open arms, hoping for a hug. Nanao closed her eyes. "Hardly. Anyhow..." Shunsui sulked. Nanao cleared her throat and continued. "Lieutenant Abarai, you have the rooming list, do you not?" she inquired. Renji nodded. "Right, I was waiting until everyone was together. We'll be staying at a 5-star hotel so, try not to do too much damage, everyone." he said, slipping a long piece of paper from his shirt. Immediately, Kenpachi and Ikkaku looked very displeased. Oddly, so did Mayuri. Byakuya closed his eyes again. "So long as I have a room of my own..." he thought. Another voice came form the back of the crowd. "Lady Unohana...sorry I'm late! Very sorry." Hanatarou Yamada popped up from behind the much taller Komamura. Retsu smiles. "There you are, Hanatarou. I was begining to worry." she said with a kind smile. Marechiyo grumbled. "Where are the snacks? I'm hungry!" he whined. Soifon gave him a light punch in the gut. "Quit your whining, you gluttonous zit!" she commanded sharply. Renji blinked. "...alright then...I'll announce the rooming situation. Everyone, listen up! A Captain will occupy each room, and some rooms will have 2 people, some 3. Here we go!"

--

"Captain Soifon will be staying in room 2 with Yumichika Ayasegawa and Hanatarou Yamada!"

Soifon looked to the two. "I'm stuck with the queen and the klutz? Brilliant." she grumbled. Yumichika flipped his hair. "If you keep being mean, I won't share my conditioner."

--

Renji continued. "Captain Ichimaru will be staying with Rukia Kuchiki in Room 3!"

Rukia looked like she was about to die. "...what...what...what?!" Gin smiles. "Oh! We'll have a grand ol' time, hm?" he says, putting a friendly arm around her shoulder. Byakuya's eyes narrowed. "You would do well not to lay a finger upon her, Gin." he said warningly. Gin chuckles, removing his arm. "Oh! My bad! So sorry." he says, grinning. Rukia's eyes widened. "...Ni-sama..."

--

"Captain Unohana will be staying in Room 4 with Ikkaku Madarame!"

Ikkaku nearly choke with his finger up his nose. "Say what now?!" he gasped. Retsu smiled. "I'll take care of you, don't worry." She said. Somehow, her very sincere words came out as...very creepy, and Ikkaku broke into a cold sweat. "Th-thank you...Captain Unohana..."

--

"Captain Aizen will be staying in Room 5 with Shuhei Hisagi!"

Neither Sousuke nor Shuhei had any really objections.

--

"Captain Kuchiki will be staying in Room 6 with Rangiku Matsumoto and Yachiru Kusajishi!"

Byakuya's left eyebrow gave a small twitch. Rangiku smiled. "Don't worry, Captain Kuchiki, we'll have fun, right? Right Yachiru?"

Yachiru smiled brightly. "Bya-chan! Ne, Ne! We'll play games and eat meat buns and candy and watch movies, right?"

Byakuya's eyebrow twitched more. "Ugh..."

--

"Captain Komamura will be staying in Room 7 with Nanao Ise!"

"Understood..." Nanao said sullenly, fixing her classes. Komamura chuckles. "Come now, Lieutenant. It is not all that bad." Shunsui sulked a little more.

--

"Captain Kyoraku will be staying in Room 8 with Isane Kotetsu and Nemu Kurotsuchi!"

Shunsui stopped sulking. "Really now? Well well, this is a surprise!" Nemu bowed her head. "It will be an honor, Captain Kyoraku." she said. Mayuri leans over to Nemu's ear. "Be sure to report everything that perverted oaf does." he said.

--

"Captain Tousen will be staying in Room 9 with Tetsuzaemon Iba and Marechiyo Omaeda!"

"First thing I'm gettin' is some room service...I'm starving." Marechiyo said with a snort, rubbing his stomach. Tousen adjusts his sunglasses. "I do hope you have money then, as I do not." Tetsuzaemon adjusts his own sunglasses. "I got some, but you sure aren't getting any." he said with a smirk. Marechiyo snears. "As a Lieutenant, I demand you hand it over!" he demanded. Tetsuzaemon glared back. "You ain't MY lieutenant!"

--

"Captain Hitsugaya will be in Room 10 with Momo Hinamori!"

Toushirou folded his arms. "Better not wet the bed, Momo. I won't clean up after you." Momo pouted. "Shirou-chan!"

--

"Captain Zaraki will be in room 11 with Sentaro and Kiyone!"

Both Sentaro and Kiyone froze. Kenpachi looked to the two with a look of disinterest. "...ngh...you two had better be quiet. I catch you arguing, and you're both getting thrown out the window..."

"...gulp Yes, Captain Zaraki." Kiyone said, bowing her head. Sentaro chuckled. "Scared, Kiyone?" He chided. Kiyone shot him the Look of Death. "I am not!"

"Are so!"

"Are not!"

"Liar!"

"Stupidhead!"

Kenpachi stepped forward, the ground under his foot shattering. "What the hell did I just get through saying?" A one-eyed glare took in both 3rd seat officers. Both of whom fell completely silent.

--

"Captain Kurotsuchi will be staying in Room 12 with...myself..." Renji heaved a small sigh. Mayuri quirks a blue eyebrow. "Hmm? You sound distressed. Come now, be reasonable. As my roommate, I'll only subject you to 5 hours of experimentation at a time. This is vacation of course. And experimental drug testing will be reduced to a mere 3 hours! You'd still have 16 hours to yourself to sleep ad do as you please!"

Sweatdrops rolled down Renji's face. "Uh...moving on..."

--

"Finally; Captain Ukitake will be in Room 13 with Kira Izuru!"

"Do be sure not to break poor Captain Ukitake, Kira." Gin said. Juushiro chuckled. "I'm actually feeling quite well lately. I'll be fine. I'm sure Lieutenant Izuru won't be a handful." Izuru nods. "Yes, sir."

--

"That should be everyone. You each have 1,500 in your room to do with as you please. Be sure to return to the hotel at night and check in so we know we haven't lost somebody." Renji rolled the paper up and slipped it back into his shirt. Marechiyo gave a great "Woo-hoo!" to the mention of them having money. Yumichika shrugs. "That all well and good, but WHERE are we staying?" he asked. Renji nodded. "Right there." he said, pointing to the building right next to them. The group went quiet for a moment. Another presence came from behind them.

"Hey...what are the Gotei 13 doing in a place like this?"

Soifon's eyes widened, and she turned around. "...you!! It can't be!!"


End file.
